Love walked in

This is what the Bible has to say about Love: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 " love is patient and kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, is not rude, is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong doings, it does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth. It always, protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. Love never fails." 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." I have heard these scriptures a million times, but they never really penetrated into my heart until recently. Ella struggled from age 18 months until about 31/2 with following directions, being aware of her surroundings and just constant temper tantrums whenever she didn't want to do something. I noticed that she was very sensitive to touch and would cry and scream during bath time saying that the water hurt. Bedtime was very stressful, playdates were very stressful, dropping her off at school was very stressful. I started Ella in school at 2 1/2 mainly because I was working part time and it was more cost effective to have her in school two days than to pay a sitter. I also felt that it would be good for her to have something to do a couple times a week once I had Liam. It was a really stressful year for all of us. I don't know that I would change putting her in that early or not, but I do know that it is generally not necessary to start that early unless you have a reason. Needless to say I was really nervous for her to go back to school the next year. I thought she was going to be that kid that was always in trouble, that no one wanted to play with, and that hated school and hated me for making her go. Then there was her 3 year old teacher. I didn't hear much about her before Ella entered her class, but as Ella started to grow and develop in school, I can only thank her for the love that she showed Ella and to me as Ella's mom. She was not easily angered, she did not keep a record of any of the bad behaviors Ella displayed and she was always quick to give a loving response to me if I ever put myself down. She was quick to give good reports about Ella, and rejoiced with us when she had a good day. She was and is a great example of God's love to us and is someone who I hope to exemplify in the way I treat others. Ella now looks forward to school, has friends, and is completely on target developmentally with the skills she should have for her age. I have learned to give myself more grace, take a deep breath and let God take control as much as possible when being a mom seems to be too overwhelming. Love never fails.

Goodbye Facebook....Hello Freedom!

2 Col 3:17 "Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom." Facebook was an anchor on my life and it was time to let it go. This was a difficult decision to make. I am a very social person and it helped me feel connected to the outside world as a stay at home mom, and also to my friends and family in New York. The Bible says "Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial." 1 col 10:13. To me there is good and bad to everything, but if the bad outweighs the good than it is time to move on. That is what happened to me. This is not something that happened over night but it began with a series of negative posts that affected my overall mood. Then it turned into just being a distraction to me looking at everyone's pictures and posting mine. When it started to feel to me that I was dodging bullets every time I went on, hiding what I was doing to not hurt anyone's feelings, but then being upset when other people posted about what they were doing and it didn't include me...that was when I realized I did not need facebook anymore. In fact it became more of a hindrance in life than a way to share with the people I care about. Most of my friends and family still have facebook and this is not to judge them or put them down. We are all different and have to make decisions that are best for us and our families. I just know for myself I am happier without it. I do not miss it at all. The thought of going back on makes me feel really anxious so I know that for now it is not for me. Will I ever go back? Who knows. There is a time and a season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1) In the meantime I will enjoy living in a world where I can spend time building the relationships God has for me, make decisions about my life without comparing them with what other people are doing, and spend the time that I am not posting on facebook doing other things in life that I enjoy but never had time to do. :)

Relationships now that kids are in the picture

Relationship building is something I was always good at.  I took for granted how easy it was for me to build relationships while I was just living my life. I built relationships at work, at school, church, exercising, etc. I always made good friends just from experiencing life together.....and then I got married, moved and had children. There are a few things that happened after all this occurred. I fell into a group of friends that Kevin had grown up with and thought I hit the jackpot. When you are away from your family and friends it feels good to feel like you belong somewhere, and I felt loved just because I was in Kevin's family. Because I was comfortable and happy enough with comfortable I didn't want to make waves within the group. If I came up with an idea and someone else just wanted to run with it, I let them. I tried to respect what I thought were the boundaries of the group and include whoever I could whenever possibly...after all we were in this together right? I built some relationships on the side but the truth was most of my time was dedicated to the group. There were always fun events to go to and I enjoyed everyone's company but then it happened......5 years later my whole world and what I thought I knew was my life in Florida would change.  A trip was planned and I wasn't invited. A girls trip. A trip with the girls I considered family because I was in Kevin's family. I was disappointed and confused. I value my friends and when I do something big I want the people that I value to be there. I couldn't believe after 5 years that I was not valued enough to be included or respected enough to not have it posted all over facebook. Then an opportunity came up...an opportunity to do my own thing and help others as well. It was a time consuming opportunity but when it came up I felt very strongly in my heart that I needed to take the opportunity and run for my life. I felt a little bit like a fugitive making strategic moves to move forward and move on. Not everyone understands why I did this or what happened but the truth is I didn't do it because I was angry or upset. Yes it hurt to be excluded, but God sometimes uses the disappointments in life to show us what we are supposed to be doing. I needed to seek out God's plan for my life and stop allowing others to take it over.; Now I am the outreach coordinator for my moms group and a table host for my table. I also coordinate meals for new moms and cook for them whenever possible. I go to the large group events when I can to help other girls get connected and build community. In my free time I am focused on my family and helping my children grow and learn the best way, as well as developing hobbies for myself. I remembered how much I enjoyed exercising and joined a boot camp class. I remembered how much I enjoyed crafts and made a fall wreath. I remembered that in just living life, that is how relationships are built. Being a stay at home mom I needed to seek out opportunities to plug myself into again, where in the past the opportunities were just a part of life. I am happiest when I am living the life God has for me and I am happy to say that is where I am now. <3