Breastfeeding 101

Who would've thought that feeding your baby would be so difficult? I wanted to breastfeed because everyone kept telling me it is what's best for my baby, and by everyone I mean Doctors, Friends, T.V. , the side of the enfamil container, strangers on the street......talk about pressure! Being a committed mother how could I not give it my best shot? Well I tried and tried and tried, but my supply was not increasing and my baby's appetite was.  This was probably one of the most defeated feelings I have ever felt in my life, and it definitely didn't help that I would get the evil eye by other mothers as I opened up the formual container to feed my little girl.  Clearly my inability to feed my baby the "proper" way was just an atrocity to mankind.  I spent about a month both breastfeeding and bottle feeding and feeling more and more depressed. The whole adjustment to motherhood was difficult enough without the stress of whether or not my baby was getting enough food and will she grow and thrive if I can't produce? I finally had to just throw in the towel and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.  I wasn't helping my daughter by crying all the time and feeling like a failure because I couldn't produce breastmilk.  I needed to do what was best us and for us it was NOT breastfeeding.  My daughter is one of the healthiest and happiest little girls I know and rarely gets sick.  Will I try to breastfeed again with my next child? Absolutely! I still believe in the wonderful composition of breastmilk....I just won't be so hard on myself if it doesn't work out.  :)

The Beginning of Motherhood

In December 2007 I felt strongly in my heart that I was going to have a daughter in the near future. I never told anyone because I'm not one to say I know that such and such is going to happen because sometimes even when we really feel something is going to come to pass it doesn't. I did, however document it in my journal for my own reference. I didn't know what the near future meant, and Kevin and I were definitely not trying to have kids AT ALL. I just figured we would know when the time was right to try. In June 2008, after an uneventful month of May we discovered we were having a baby. It of course was bittersweet. We had to say goodbye to our busy newlywed lifestyle and start tending to the baby that was growing inside of me. My pregnancy was definitely not the easiest but I am sure it wasn't the most difficult either. I always keep in mind that there is someone out there who is better off than me and someone out there that is worse off than me. This helps me keep things in perspective when I am struggling. Towards the end of my pregnancy, a sonagram showed that my baby was on the smaller end of babies. Noone seemed that concerned at first, since I am considerably small myself, but I was sent to get a second opinion. This was the beginning of a very stressful Christmas season. Not only did the baby appear small but it also seemed that my amniotic fluid was low. I was sentenced to "bed rest" and to doctor's visits 2 times a week. If the fluid dropped to abnormally low or if something else didn't look right than it would be time to deliver the baby. At 38 weeks I was told it was time. Kevin and I thought we were going in to be induced that day, but a C section was recommended to decrease any risks that might happen to the baby during a regular delivery. I spent the entire day crying and praying. Not sure what to expect and not feeling very trusting in my doctor, all I could do was turn to God. He had promised me a little girl in Decemeber 2007 so I had to trust that He was going to keep his promise. After 8 hours of agony ( I had eaten that morning since I didn't know i was having a C section). We finally went in. The procedure itself was really quick, and before we knew it we saw our daughters round face and dark hair, and heard her cry which was music to our ears. The nurses took her vitals and checked her and she was a perfect little girl. 5 Lbs 13 ozs and 19 inches long. What a miracle! The C section recovery and the beginning of motherhood......that's another story. :) However, we have been entrusted with one of the most important jobs there is, and I know that God will give us the strength to be great parents/teachers to Ella. "... Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." Phillipians 1:6. :)






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